I’ve been thinking…I think that’s been my status lately — waiting for the other shoe to drop. For those of you unfamiliar with this phrase, it comes from the early 1900s, and “alludes to a person awakened by a neighbor who loudly dropped one shoe on the floor and is waiting for the second shoe to be dropped” (definition taken from The Free Dictionary online).
I’ve been working on writing my memoir over the past several years. It’s been quite a journey as I process the harder times and how I’ve responded. I’ve not always made the right choices. (Who does?) Recalling these times has shifted my perspective a bit, not necessarily for the good. But that’s a part of my processing. For me, the bottom line continues to be how does this affect my relationship with God?
As I was talking to God this morning, I told Him that I think I’m waiting for Him to drop the other shoe, as it were. Why? Life is pretty hard sometimes, and I find myself waiting for the next horrible thing to happen: Okay, Lord, I’m ready. Hurl it at me.
Hard things: loss of friendships, abuse from past relationships, misunderstandings, broken dreams, financial stress, suicide, illnesses, homicide, disability, rejection, abandonment… Lord, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Let’s get this over with…
But I’ve been wrong. My perspective is like a picture hanging upside down on the wall. The thing is, even if life offers nothing more, I don’t have to live anxiously waiting and bracing myself in nervous anticipation for the next bad thing to happen.
The truth is…
- Friendships are for seasons in life, and each gift of friendship that shares Christ, is forever.
- Abuse. Bad things happen in this life. But even these times can be redeemed in Christ. The scars are no longer painful memories, but reminders of God’s healing.
- Misunderstandings, like broken fences, can be mended.
- Broken dreams can be exchanged for bigger ones as I allow God to work His plan.
- As far as finances, God has always provided. Like multiplying the fish and bread to feed multitudes (Matthew 14:13-21), He’s helped us in making a few dollars stretch until the next paycheck. He’s even provided our needs from unknown resources, not always in the form of money. Point is He’s always provided.
- Death and illness are never easy. The fact is, death is as individual as the person. It doesn’t get easier, but it serves as a reminder of reality. Death is just as much a part of life as breathing. God has provided, even in death. Accepting forgiveness through His Son, Jesus, allows death to be a door to a life without evil –a life that goes on forever. It’s life in the presence of Jesus Christ. For me, death no longer carries the torment of fear.
- Rejection and abandonment are really not so bad as long as Christ is still with me, as He promised (Hebrews 13:5).
- Disability has become a constant reminder that God has not shelved me for storage until His coming. In my family, disability has brought a fresh perspective of who I am and who He is. Our family’s struggles with autism and neurological disorders have given a clearer view of how God uses the weak to serve His purpose. Frankly, I’d rather be weak in order to serve Him well, than to be strong and not understand His heart.
Yep. I think my picture is hanging a little straighter now. I must not look at the deficit without learning to see God’s filling of that deficit and fulfillment in my life. In all ways, He has been and will continue to remain faithful.
So. I guess I’m no longer just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I’m ready for the next adventure.